Doktor Pissoff's Temple of Bulldada
Ho De Do Clench
More Stupid "Bob" Jokes

The Pope had a meeting of all his bishops and cardinals at the Vatican one day, and during a break, one cardinal was at a window getting some air when he noticed Jesus Christ, on a visit from Dallas, walking up the Vatican steps. He thought he must be seeing things, so he got a couple of his colleagues to confirm that yes, Jesus Christ was walking up the Vatican steps. The men then got the Pope to see for himself that yes, Jesus was walking up the steps. One cardinal spoke, "Your worship, Lord Jesus Christ is coming here, to the Vatican to visit us, what should we do?" To which the Pope replied, "Look busy.

A little normal walks into a bar. Unfortunately there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
A great big Holocostal subgenius minister then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The little normal turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."
The big subgenius minister punched him in the mouth.

One night, as "Bob'' and Connie lay down for bed, "Bob'' gently taps Connie on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. Connie turns over and says, I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.
"Bob'', rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps Connie again. This time he whispers is her ear, Do you have a Dentist appointment tomorrow too?

"Bob" meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. "Bob" notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "Bob" asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said "Bob". "What about your hook"?
"Well ...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked "Bob". "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," "Bob" asked incredulously.
"Well ...," said the pirate, "... it was my first day with the hook..."

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The subgenius minister had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

After his assassination in Frisco "Bob" lies on the stage, surrounded by his family: a weeping Connie and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
'Darling wife,' "Bob" whispers, 'assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if--'
Connie gently interrupts him. 'Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father.'
"Bob" then dies, happy. Connie mutters under her breath: 'Thank God he didn't ask about the other three.'

There was a subgenius and a normal walking through a field, when they came across a sheep with his head stuck in a fence.
The subgenius quickly dropped his pants and mounted the sheep.
After he was done he turned to the normal and asked if he wanted to go next.............the normal dropped and put his head in the fence.

"Bob" walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
---------------------------------------
| Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 |
| Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 |
| Hand Job: $10.00 |
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers "Bob", "are you the one who gives the hand- jobs?"
"Yes" she purrs "I am."
"Bob" replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

"Bob" was interviewing applicants for the position of Pope Of New York and The Great Pacific Northwest. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the Popehood. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was David Meyer. "Bob" asked him, "How much is two and two?"
David Meyer got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the position.

After one of their dates "Bob" takes his girlfriend Connie back home after being out together. They reach the front door. He leans with one hand on the wall and says, "Sweetie, how about a blowjob?"
"What?? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, hon, no one'll see!"
"Yeah they will! We're on the front door step for crying out loud! Someone will see!"
"Not at this time of night, babe, c'mon, no one'll show up!"
"No, no, no! I don't want someone to see!"
"Baby, you'll love it, too, c'mon, I know you will."
"No, no!"
"Cmon, love, don't be like that, c'mon."
At that moment, the door opens and the Connie's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown. Her hair's totally in disorder. She's rubbing her eyes.
She yawns and says, "Dad told me to tell you for you to blow him, or I've got to blow him, or he will come down and blow him himself, but, for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to get his hand off of the intercom button!"

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter. Teller Connie pulled off her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards. "Turn over, Connie," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a stick-up, not an office party!"

Papa Joe and a Baptist minister were seated next to each other on a plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.
When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, Papa Joe ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the Babtist minister whether he wanted anything.
He lied, "Oh No! Thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."
Papa Joe promptly handed his gin and tonic back to the air-hostess and said, "Lady, I did not know there was a choice."

"Bob" and Connie are finishing foreplay when she asks the dreaded question, "Darling would you use a condom?"
Reluctantly he leaves the bed, goes to the dresser and fetches one, and is putting it on when he sees the bedroom door open & his seven year old boy, Ivan, saying goodnight to his mother. (Late trip to the bathroom)
Mom has pulled the covers over her head and pretends to be sleeping.
"Bob" with nowhere to hide falls to the floor on all fours and tries to coverup as best as he can.
Little Ivan looks at "Bob" and asks, "Dad, uhh what are you doing?"
"Bob" says, "Ohh, ahhh, just looking for a mouse."
The child says, "Oh Cool!! When you catch him, what are you going to do, Fuck him?"

A waiter brings "Bob" the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled "Bob", "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

There is a story about a subgenius monastery in Dobbstown Malaysia, perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several subgenius Bobby monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist Bobby on the way up to see the famed Oracle of Dobbstown, got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.
With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

"Bob" comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from the inside of the apartment. He walks inside only to find Connie on the floor of the living room naked. Connie yells, "Help, Help, I am having a heart attack", "Bob" runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says, "Daddy, Daddy, there is a naked man in the closet!" "Bob" opens the closet door and sees one of his most trusted subgenius Holocaustal doktors.
"Bob" yells at him, God damn it! My wife is having a heart attack, and here you are trying to scare the kids"!!!

Admiral Strange was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Stang, who was in charge of the Army.
Strange arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Stang. They both walk around the place, and Strange asks:
"So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Admiral Strange."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."
"Well, my men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that."
So Stang calls private Dobbs and says:
"Private Dobbs! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"
"Are you fucking crazy? It'd kill me, you asshole! I'm out of here!"
As private Dobbs ran away, Stang turned to a bewildered Strange and said:
"You see? You have to be pretty damn brave to talk like that to a general."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Subgenius Doktor fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

One day, "Bob" came home to find Connie hysterically crying.
He said, "Honey, whats the matter?"
She said, "Oh it was terrible. This black man broke in the house. He raped me, made me suck his cock and made me sing the star spangled banner".
"Thats terrible," "Bob" replied.
"I know. I don't know how to sing."

When "Bob" was a Vaseline salesman he was driving through the country, when his car starts leaking and loses all its oil. Not knowing what to do, he fills the engine with Vaseline, thinking that it is similar to oil, and drives away. It works fine until about half an hour later, when the engine gets real warm, and the Vaseline melts, and runs out through the same hole as the oil did. This time there is a farm nearby, so he decides to look for a phone.
Meanwhile, inside the farmhouse, the farmer, his wife, and daughter are having a fight about who's going to do the dishes. "I did them this morning," complains the farmer. "Well I did them at lunch," says his wife. "And I'm tired from doing all the farmwork," says the daughter. So the farmer, in a stroke of brilliance, decides that they will settle it by all taking off their clothes, lying on the floor, and declaring that the first one to speak gets to do the dishes.
"Bob" gets to the front door, and rings the bell. No one answers so he goes in and looks for a phone. He eventually stumbles into the kitchen, and ignoring the odd sight, asks for a phone. No one answers, so he goes and looks some more. Still no luck, so he goes back to the kitchen. They still won't answer, so he decides to see what else he can get away with. He has sex with the daughter several times, bemused by her silence, then finally goes and looks for the phone again. A while later, he comes back, looks at the wife, and says, "Why not?" After having sex with the farmer's wife, he is getting tired and exasperated. He thinks, maybe if they have some Vaseline, I can drive my car for another half-hour.
So "Bob" asks, "Do you have any Vaseline?" at which the farmer jumps up and yells, "I'll do the dishes!"

Connie phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

One evening, "Bob" and Connie were smoking a little frop while listening to some King of Slack jams when a burglar carrying a gun broke into their house. He draws the gun on Connie and asks her...
Burglar: "chou Esmek wli?"
Connie shivering answers: "Hoda, esmi Hoda".
Burglar:"Eh rouhui, khalasstik bass la'anno esmik ala esm Emmi".
Connie runs away leaving "Bob" behind.
The burglar to "Bob": "Chou Esmak enta wla?"
"Bob" turning pale with fear, stutters: "Ana bi oulouli "Bob", bass bi ghanjouni Hoda kamen."

"Bob" testifying in his divorce proceedings against Connie.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's fidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," "Bob" testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."
"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"

When we were looking to buy property I had over zealous realtor "Bob" show us what can only be described as a totally worn- out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing.
"Bob", the smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people."
I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?"

"Bob" is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hell is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."

"Don't let me pressure you," "Bob" the life insurance salesman said. "Sleep on it tonight. If you wake up in the morning, you can give me a call."

"Bob" was travelling between towns and got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Checking the spare, he found that it was flat, too. His only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the nearest town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a pickup truck. He yelled out the window to "Bob" "Need a lift?" "Yes, I do", replied "Bob". "Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Libertarian?", asked the old man. "A Libertarian", replied "Bob". "Get screwed!", yelled the old man as he sped off.
The next to stop rolled down the window and asked the same question, to which "Bob" gave the same answer "Libertarian". The driver gave him the finger and drove off.
"Bob" smoked some frop as he thought it over, and decided that maybe he should change his approach, since there appeared to be few Libertarians in this area.
The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked him if he were a Democrat or Republican or Libertarian. "Democrat!", shouted "Bob". "Hop in!", replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, he can't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to him. The wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continues to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, he yells "STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR!" She slams on the brakes, and, as soon as the car stops, he jumps out.
"What's the matter?", she asks. "I can't take it!", "Bob" replies.
"I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody!"

When "Bob" was a door-to-door vacuum salesman he went to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that cowshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
"Bob" says, "why do you ask?"
She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

During an international devival, an English Doktor and a French Doktor were discussing unusual uberfemmes they had dealt with recently.
"Only last week" the Frenchman said "I met a woman with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd" the Brit exclaimed. "It couldn't have been that big, My God, man, she wouldn't have been able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size" replied the Frenchman. "I was talking about the flavor!"

"Bob" is hired by a new company. He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up, he calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. The boss excuses him. The man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.
The next Monday, "Bob" once again calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. The boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row. Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week.
The following Monday, "Bob" calls his boss again. "I'm sick." The boss excuses him, but decides to call the man to task on Tuesday. Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office.
"What gives?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and you've called in sick every Monday."
"Bob" says, "Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another and we end up making love all day long."
"Your sister!?!" says the boss. "That's disgusting!"
"Bob" says, "I *told* you I was sick."

In his younger days "Bob" was a new lumberjack and after months of cutting timber in a most remote area asked the foreman what they did for physical pleasure. The foreman stated that 'the barrel' located behind the shed did quite nicely. "Bob" pressed for details and the instructions were to insert his member into the hole located on the side of 'the barrel'. And that he could do this any day of the week except Thursday. So on Saturday "Bob" gives 'the barrel' a try and truly enjoys it. "Bob" visits 'the barrel' everyday of the week and on Wednesday night asks the foreman why he could use it everyday except Thursday.
The foreman replys,"You can use 'the barrel' everyday of the week except Thursday because on Thursday it's your turn 'in the barrel.'"

Al Gore is out jogging with his pal George Bush in Florida, shortly after the Tampa Devival, and they encounter "Bob" with some cute puppies. They ask "Bob" what kind of puppies they are, and "Bob" responds, "They're Democrat and Rpublican puppies." Both Al Gore and George Bush thinks that is so great that the next day they bring Kathleen Harris to see these puppies for herself. They ask "Bob" to tell Miss. Harris what kind of puppies they are, and "Bob" responds, "They're Naderite puppies." They all looked puzzled and the two pink boys say, "Yesterday you told us they were Democrat and Republican puppies." "Bob" smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!"

Even More "Bob" Jokes (Page 3)

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Let they that cannot take a joke, let them mount up upon themselves!

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